It's hard to kiss the lips at night...

 https://youtube.com/watch?v=pjkLf_X88WM&si=fI_ScYRgNVf79rzp

The Love of his Life

His Ex Wife

He'll tell them all

"She left me when I started dating

After 40 years

She did" 

Shopping for other women

Putting himself on the meat market

Planning a tryst

"You're the Love of my Life" he says

Lying eyes he has

Thinks it's funny.

EFFECTIVE MANIPULATIVE TACTICS

Narcissists are Masters of Projection. What they accuse you of is what they are doing.

Narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation.  Since emotion overrides logic, fake crying is a great tactic for the manipulative narcissist to use, since "men don't cry". 

A man crying as he tells his version of the truth can be profoundly persuasive. The most astute observer of human nature can be easily swayed to the narcissist's point of view by using this most effective manipulation tactic, especially with empathic individuals.

Since one rarely sees a grown man cry, that experience can be greatly moving and persuasive especially in an intimate group setting.  Crying, while in an intimate group can elicit sympathy for the perceived injury of the wounded who portays the other as the evil villian, the abuser.

Narcissists use projection to sway their audience. What they are doing is projected onto the other. Taking responsibility is not in their repertoire so any manner of deceit is used. Truth is an inconvenient fact best avoided. Blame shifting is a tactic most useful in such situations. 

Sacrificing the truth is a small price to pay to uphold and maintain one's image. Portraying oneself as the beleaguered abused victim and the actual victim as the abuser, serves their interest in maintaining the false front of the narcissist.

In narcissistic education circles it is referred to as:

DARVO, 

Deny

Attack

Reverse

Victim and 

Offender

The DARVO tactic is used to conceal the truth of their behavior to their audience and to control how others perceive the target and the conflict. The abuser is able to concoct a story to cultivate biases against the target and to rally bystanders to their cause.

Time to go

 It was when he announced he was going to get a gun that I realized things were getting serious. I felt in danger and knew it was definitely time to make changes.

He was always volatile. He loved me sooo much, I was his sweetie pie, and maybe hours later he would be screaming at me about some minor issue or maybe something that just popped into his head, something I had said in the past or something that offended his delicate nature, or just because he was bored and needed some excitement, a new crisis of the day. 

The days were filled with crises, a few times a week, once a week or every two weeks, I realized once I started charting it. It left me trying to avoid him for the most part to avoid the conflict that my presence seemed to elicit.

The constant unpredictability left me anxious and nervous, waiting for the frequent attacks. My sleeping suffered, as did most other aspects of my life. Long walks were a temporary respite. Praying for relief and direction was something I could do. Spending time with friends was helpful, though he didn't really like most of them and said critical and insulting things about them to try to dissuade me from spending time with them. Though he was kind to my friends, seems his disapproval was only expressed to me of course.

I didn't realize it until I started journaling. I was always caught off guard or recovering my equilibrium from the ongoing attacks, trying to figure out what I could do differently to avoid enraging him. My journal showed me the frequency of the rages and the triggers to his anger and what I noticed was that it didn't make sense. There was no rhyme or reason to it. In fact the changability in his thinking waved like a huge red flag. That's why when he decided he wanted to get a gun I knew it was time for me to come up with an exit strategy.

 

 

 

NARCISSISTS LOVE THEMSELVES ABOVE ALL OTHERS

  When one realizes the person claiming to be their soul mate is really just a manipulative player who tells people what they want to hear and truth is relative, it is time to go. A lifetime of gaslighting, manipulation, lies, dishonesty and other nefarious interests and activities and the lying that goes with that can destroy a marriage and the supposed trust that should have been in place.

 The person I thought was a lifetime partner ended up being such a huge disapppoinment as a human being. I really wish I had gotten out of my marriage many years ago.  I came to realize we had very DIFFERENT value systems. Pretending to be a Christian, yet engaging in very non-Christian behaviors while trying to uphold a religious and moral false face was too much to bear. The habitual, pathological lying left me with nothing to really hold onto. I could ask him a question, then hear the lies and knew he was lost to me and probably himself also. Excessive porn use and the lying and shouting and anger toward the "true love" was a sudden bright light of truth. What was I waiting for? I realized that I deserved so much better.

So for any of you young women out there with lying disrespectful mates, don't wait, go now, don't waste your life on someone who does not respect you and is only concerned with their own needs, GO NOW! He will NOT change, it will only get worse as he gets older and soon he is screaming at you on a nearly daily basis and demanding his "Privacy" to indulge his porn addiction. Doesn't have time for family, his children or his grandchildren, he needs alone time with the computer. He can never truly LOVE you so stop waiting for it. He doesn't know the meaning of LOVE. Not going to happen! GO NOW find a decent man to spend time with. Let someone else deal with his bad behavior. YOU DESERVE BETTER. FREE YOUSELF!