I am holding him up
As more than he is
Kinder, nicer, wiser, more loving
Than he actually is
Holding him up in my mind
Benefit of the doubt
Not working anymore
The doubt has no benefit
His true self revealed as less than
Vindictive, cruel, dishonest, slanderous, deceitful
Though in public the mask is firmly in place
Appearance of false self
Smiling, innocent and trustworthy
He appears to be more than
I wish it were so
Even my holding him up
Doesn't make it so
I am guarded, mistrustful, protecting myself
From the rage, the condemnation, the wrath
Seething beneath the surface
That is so much a part if his true inner self
Death by a thousand cuts
I am the target
He loves me he says
His love wounds me yet again
Reciting my faults, my flaws, my wrongness again today
